Conversations

*** *** ***

(In the gynaecology out-patient department - the registrar bought a patient to the senior associate professor for her opinion; I was attending the OPD with the associate professor)

Registrar : Ma’am, excuse me…

AP : (without looking at the registrar, writing something) Bol, kaay jhaala?

Registrar : (pointing towards the patient) Ma’am, here is a patient with ‘mastalgia’ (pain in the breast). She had come to us last week…

AP : (looking up) But didn’t we refer her to surgery? All breast patients go there…

Registrar : They gave her the same treatment, bromocriptine tablets. But she has no relief…

AP : (in deep thought) But then, that’s the only therapy!

Registrar : Err… ma’am, I’ve examined her again today and I think the breasts are very huge…

(The associate professor puts on her specs; I move aside so that she gets a better view of you-know-what)

Registrar : (…continuing) Ma’am, they are very soft too!

AP : (looking carefully…) No yaar, I think they are fine.

(Looking at me) What do you think? Are they fine?!

*** *** ***

(This was in my paediatrics exam; I was given a kid who had a severe heart disease. He had multi-valvular involvement and was diagnosed with ‘double-outlet right ventricle’ – that makes me sound more learned, doesn’t it? My viva was fine, till I reached the stage when the examiner came to the point of nutrition.)

Examiner : So doctor, how will you take care of his nutrition and general health?

Me : Ma’am, as soon as he accepts oral feeds, I’ll advise the mother to start breastfeeding…

Examiner : (interrupting) Good; and how will you advise her to do that?

Me : (Wtf? She would know how to do it!) Err… I’ll explain to her the technique of proper feeding, positioning and…

Examiner : (interrupting again) No, all that is fine. Haven’t you attended any breastfeeding workshops?

Me : (…I mean, what did she mean?) Workshops? on breastfeeding…? No ma’am…

Examiner : (surprised) what are you saying? Did you not attend any seminars on successful breastfeeding?!

*** *** ***

(Surgery Exam: I arrived on time, only to realise that the overenthusiastic registrars had already started the exam fifteen minutes before schedule. When I entered the ward)

Registrar : (staring at me menacingly…) Abbe kidhar tha?

Me : (looking at my watch) Sir, it’s… it’s only 8.15am!

Registrar : So? Exam has already started (matter-of-factly). Now go, take this case.

Me : Sir, this is an operated patient. He has no problem now. What do I do?

Registrar : Arre yaar… (looking at me with irritation) Kya farak padta hai?

Me : But… what… the… fff…

Registrar : Accha… go, take that case. Remember only ten minutes. Do whatever you can.

Me : Sir, ten minutes…!

Registrar : You have already wasted one minute. I’ll give you only 2 minutes for the second case too.

Patient : (looking at me with sympathy; he had a big ulcer on his right bum) Sir, aapko bahut pasina aa raha hai. Pankha chalu karu?

*** *** ***