100 till I pass...

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“Err… Do you want to be a part of Bombay Medical Congress this year?” A senior walks up to you and asks you a simple question.

It is for the first time now, that the pursuit of academic excellence takes a backseat and the desire to obtain something other than the satisfaction of overcoming the routine challenges posed by medical books takes over. Something, in the eyes of a typical Gsite, far, far more consecrated… and not to mention, lucrative (in the future, of course)…

So, what is this ‘something’ that every (well, almost every) Gsite craves for?

‘A certificate’!

Let us call such a Gsite ‘Mr. Certiphokut’.

“Definitely, I want to be a part of Bombay Medical Congress”, cries Certiphokut, “How can I miss out on an opportunity to obtain a ‘certi’?”

For the first time, unrest spreads in the entire batch like septicaemia and no one is in a mood to miss out on an opportunity to get hold of a certificate.

The hunt begins for more of such fortunes. Oh! Here comes Aavishkaar!

Psst… all Aavishkaar committee members get a ‘certi’ from the gymkhana.
Certiphokut strikes gold.

“I shall be the coordinator of Aavishkaar this year,” declares Certiphokut. “On second thoughts, is there a lot of work to be done? Can I organise literary events instead? Maybe vocals? If not, then Opiate? I think I’ll be best at handling publicity!”

By now, Certiphokut has made an irreversible decision. He (no offence meant, it could also be a ‘she’) wants 100 certificates before he passes his MBBS. He is not alone in his quest; he is accompanied by many other such like-minded ‘bounty’-hunters.

Next in the line are gymkhana elections. Yet another chance!

Which one of the gymkhana post is a maaf post? Let’s see:

GS : Gymkhana Sweeper

RRDD : Rotten Rodent in Departmental Dustbin

CSPA : College Servant with Persistent Allergy

CSFA : College Servant with Fistula-in-Ano

WPWS : Worker with Prader-Willi (Syndrome)

The more the merrier! The more the certificates one possesses, better are one’s prospects at USMLE and other such coveted exams.

Didn’t make it to the Gymkhana post of your choice (and ease)? Maybe someone was in an even more desperate need of the certificate. Our smart Mr. Certiphokut isn’t disappointed. There is a solution! Someone has said, “Desperate times call for desperate measures!” Perhaps Certiphokut feels the same way; he goes on to sign a pact with his competitor in the elections to castle post in the gymkhana.

Next on the list is joining the Rotaract Club and other such clubs (as many as possible… the more the merrier, remember?) What are the advantages of being a part of such clubs? You get to meet senior professors, organise maaf symposiums, create awareness about issues which people are bored of and, lest we forget, you get to collect some more certificates.

Mr. Certiphokut now targets workshops and conferences held in five-star hotels and venues with high-class ambience. On the first day of the conference/workshop, he goes there for registration. The next visit is scheduled for the last day – to collect the certificate. In some workshops, volunteers are forced to attend lectures which make no sense to then whatsoever. But Certiphokut is not concerned; as long as the lunch is good and the ‘certi’ is certain, he will brave all odds.

Many Certiphokuts do clinical research just for the sake of the certificate. Many members of this subspecies carry out research on topics that have been dealt with thousands of times in the past. But doing clinical research is definitely a learning experience even though it may have no relevant consequence.

Certain Certiphokuts present others work at symposia’ without making even an iota of contribution. This can be done with or without the permission of people who actually worked for the same; and to do this, all you need is to grab a CD with the presentation and borrow somebody’s laptop.

I’ve heard that certificates will also be issued to those who publish articles on their blog. Will I get a certificate for this one?

This is a certificate given to me by makers of my College Magazine - Gosumag 2006