Goner-speak

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The new time-table is out; prelims begin in October. It’s almost mid-June and I haven’t even covered half of surgery, medicine book is brand new; paediatrics is still in infancy and I don’t know a thing in gynaecology.

Meanwhile, as final year is taking its toll, these are some of the documented manifestations/ real-life stories as told by some Gsites themselves. People, medicine is toxic!

Mild Symptoms:

· You think your dog has developed grade IV breathlessness when he pants.

· A passer-by slaps you after you tell him, “Uncle, do you have a hydrocoele or is your pant too tight?

· You apply lacto calamine lotion on your damaged wall.

· You keep condoms next to your bed hoping that the population of bed-bugs will decrease.

· After a hot bath, you exclaim – “Wow! I have been autoclaved!”

· In the morning, you get up and say, “I am conscious, cooperative and well oriented in time, place and person.”

· You think a person with hernia looks ‘cool’.

· Now you know why it is called culex ‘fati’-gans.

· While travelling in the train, you assess nutrition of all your co-passengers.

Major Symptoms: (this one’s dangerous, if you have any of these, here’s wishing you luck!)

· If you are a female, you suddenly get up from your library chair and shout, “Yippee! I just got an LH surge!”

· You ask your milkman whether his cow has developed galactorrhoea and prescribe bromocriptine tablets.

· You stop going to the toilet because it does not conform to the standards laid down by our PSM department.

· You try publishing a paper in New England Journal of Medicine about the usefulness of a pot-hole as an abortifacient.

· You take your pregnant cockroach for an antenatal (ANC) visit.

· You stop standing because you think that you will develop varicose veins, and you stop sitting because that may lead to piles.

· You keep telling people around, “I would like to do a PR (per rectal examination).”

· You feel as if you are a papillary growth/finger-like projection on the surface of the earth and try avulsing yourself.

· Instead of gardening, your latest hobby is culturing bacteria and fungi; you spend time giving them tips on how to infect your competitors.